my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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