it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
