Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
