she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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