If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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