you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
