I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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