got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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