i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Apparently you make a good broom.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
