she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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