i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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