did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
