Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
