sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
