I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
