hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
3pm strippers are depressing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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