Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
