Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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