so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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