I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize