You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
