Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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