I wish life had little blips of pornography
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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