I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
