I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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