Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
