After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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