its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
