at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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