dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
