You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
