Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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