Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
