Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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