pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
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