I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
