Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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