i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
