Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
