her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dicks are not precious.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
