I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
