I hate all girls vehemently.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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