the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can I color on your dick again?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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