there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
