It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
