when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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