I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
