he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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