it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
