would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Farmville is her only friend.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
