I want you more than these girls want KFC
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
