So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
