We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
