I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
