also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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