dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
