During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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