then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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