Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
