when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
