I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
