Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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