How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Randomize
