is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
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Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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