..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
