I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
