U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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