you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
