So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
