nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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