Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
