Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
