So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You took a bar mat shot.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
