Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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