You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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