My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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