no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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